I am entering these posts into the blog during the summer of 2017. These entries were taken from handwritten journals that I kept during our first adoptions. We had a failed adoption from Guatemala at the end of 2002. Cam entered our lives in the very first days of 2003 through domestic adoption, quite a bit of pain was endured during that time. If only I had known then what I know now.
Things with Madi’s adoption keep getting harder and harder. Her DNA testing still isn’t done and we’re wondering why??? It has also been 2.5 months since we’ve had any updated photos or medical reports. We still have no answers about the infection she had.
Our social worker thinks it would be a terrible idea for me to go and sit in Guatemala and wait this out, because this is our first baby and she says I’m so young. I had a total melt down about it today. Not at her, but to Joe. There was crying, yelling, the works. This is so awful, and completely out of our control.
I’m going to see the Reverend today. I need to find another way to cope. I hope she can relieve some of the stress of the unknown through prayer, not knowing when she’ll come home. I’m afraid of Christmas this year, and it’s only August. It wasn’t good last year, hoping over and over for a baby, and then it just being the two of us.
We returned all of Madi’s size 12 month clothes, there’s no way she’ll fit in them when we finally do get there. There was more crying on the way to do that.
This is devastating.