Finding Comfort in the Kitchen.

We had our first tears last night about “missing home”.  They came from GhanaGuy.  He had a loving mom before me.  I love him with all my heart and have had a year to acclimate to the idea of another son.  He had about three weeks to acclimate to the idea of having another mom.  He’s hurting.  It’s hard to understand the new rules that don’t involve the same form of discipline he had become accustomed to.  It’s all just hard.

GhanaGal has been grieving by shutting down.  She doesn’t speak a whole lot about life before.  She doesn’t want to call her mom, because she “doesn’t want to hear her cry”(even though her mom doesn’t cry, she just tells us how happy she is).  It’s all just internalized.  We try to draw her out, but it’s difficult.  I thought she would respond to comforting by me.  She doesn’t.  She responds to her new dad a lot better.  I’m trying not to be hurt by it.  She had a mom before.  She has never had a dad.  And, my relationship with FPD totally puzzles her.  She has been told, for her entire life, that marital relationships are based on a woman making her husband happy, through cooking and sewing and other household chores.  All I can say to that is…BOOOOOO!!!!  I’ve tried to show GhanaGal that FPD and I have a relationship that is cooperative, but not based on that.  I work outside the home, so does he.  This means that he works inside the home, and so do I.  By and large, he cooks while I clean.  He’s funny, I’m the rule maker.  Daddy is just better right now.  Last night GhanaGal and FPD worked on a cooking project with a Ghanaian cookbook he found at the library.  Our little GhanaGal was TOTALLY into it.  This is the first time she has responded happily to a family activity.  They made some wonderful Jollof.

–FullPlateMom,
who is still adjusting, so she can’t imagine what this is like for her kids.  

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5 Comments

  1. I so do love you guys.

    Marli told me a few days ago that she wished Seth were there at our table, to try and convince us that he hadn’t eaten since breakfast. :}

    I know it’s so hard right now – but that is a heart-wrenchingly beautiful photo up there. Maybe someday our table will look a little more like that. 🙂

  2. That picture with FPD and all of the kids around the table- I LOVE it! What a beautiful family. Please share the Jollof recipe, and the title of the cookbook. Efia would be thrilled!

    Efia is still much more Daddy’s girl. Like, FPD, J is the “fun” parent, and I understand why I’m not so appealing to her. There are many reasons and a lot is related to her past relationships with women in her life. But it does hurt me. She also shuts down and it is incredibly frustrating to get through the wall sometimes. But she has made huge progress in 4 months, and I know that GhanaGal will too.

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