It Took Me Awhile.

I disappeared for a little while.  I think it’s all part of that “new normal” thing I was talking about.  I wondered why I didn’t have anything to say, since this is usually the place I vent.  Then I realized, that I’ve just come down off the biggest roller coaster that I could have been on.  It’s not that much different to when I almost lost our Duo in Ghana.

I was sure we were going to lose our Dolly.

We didn’t, and for that I will forever be grateful.

That doesn’t mean that the unease, the feeling of being, well, off balance, is going to go away overnight.  I have to own the idea that this is going to take some getting used to.  At first, I thought it was just the Oxygen, now I think it’s more than that.  I think I’m getting used to the idea that we might have our girl for a long time to come.  The thought of that is a very welcome change, but a change, nonetheless.  Thinking about a future that you weren’t sure you were going to have is quite a difference.

Life is settled, without so much wondering and worrying.  I think that has me feeling a little odd.  It’s almost like living life on pure adrenaline and then being exhausted when the trauma finally ends.  You have to find a way to adjust.  I’m doing that slowly.

I’m thinking a lot about what the next ten years will be like for Dolly.  That’s new for me.  Prior to her surgery, I tried not to think about anything past tomorrow.  We got used to living for today.  I’m thankful that has changed.  Tomorrow…here we come.

–FullPlateMom,
who likes the idea of a long future very, very much.  

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