Saving A Child.

There has been so much talk of Madonna and her adoption from Malawi lately. Bleck. I’m really just sick of hearing about it. If she did bribe officials or skip steps in the process that others would have had to endure, well, that stinks. If she followed the process and really got the exceptions she should have without pulling strings, ok then. I certainly don’t harbor any ill will toward her. I just don’t really care. I am bothered by the perception that celebrities, and people who adopt African or African-American children, are somehow “saving” a child. I guess if you’ve adopted an older child from foster care or an older child with medical needs from Africa then you might be saving them. But, who verbalizes that? Don’t say it to the child! For the love of all that is holy! Use your common sense. Why am I even discussing this? Because it happens to us on average once per week, just because my kids are black.

A well-meaning (usually elderly) person will come up to us in a restaurant, grocery store, park, wherever, and ask about our kids. I answer these questions, to a point. I can always tell when it’s headed in “that” direction though. I get questions like “did you adopt them all together?”, I’m ok with that, it’s an ok question. They’ll push a little further though, “so they’re not related?”. I reply that they most certainly are, they’re brothers and sister now. They blush a little, get flustered, and then keep right at it. “Oh no, you know what, I mean, they’re not BLOOD related?”. Here we go. No one in our family is “blood” related, that just wasn’t how God built our family. Then I’ll get the smile, the hand pat and I get told what a saint I am. “There are so many children of color just sitting in orphanages because no one will take them”. I’m not kidding. I hear it all the time. In fact, if I had a dollar for every time I was told that, I would be able to buy new clothes for every kid at Lucky Hill. So, being the good person I am, I try to explain that orphanages haven’t existed in the U.S. in my lifetime (I’m 30) and that our kids were loved from day one. By birthparents, or grannies, or aunties, whoever. Someone grieved over the loss of having the chance to parent them. Think about what you say, people! Think about who you’re saying it in front of!!!! You mean well, but I didn’t “save” anyone. Do you know how many profiles our birthparents looked through? How many people wanted the children we are lucky enough to call ours? Do you know that I thank God for them out loud EVERY SINGLE DAY?!? I am the lucky one. And, I pray that we’ll be that lucky again when we adopt from Ghana. So, the next time you see me on the street with four small black children in tow, please don’t tell me how lucky they are. I am the lucky one. You can say “God bless you and your husband” to us, because we always need it. But, just know that we’ll be thinking one thing…God already did bless us. 4 times.

–FullPlateMom.

2 thoughts on “Saving A Child.

  1. AMEN!!!!!I am constantly being told these same things – “How lucky these children are” yet, I am the one who was blessed. I wanted to parent so long and we had to go half way around the world just so we could have the wonderful opportunity to be parents.So again I sayAMEN!!!

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