Did you ever have a best friend? A friend that you thought was JUST like you? You loved all the same things, you shared every secret, you spent a ton of time together. Aside from your spouse, this person was your closest confidante. Then, one day, you looked at that person and realized you just weren’t the same at all anymore.
After I came back from Ghana, this is what has happened with my closest friend. She knows it. I know it. I just don’t know what to say to her anymore. She seems so selfish all of the sudden. Or, maybe I’ve become one of those annoying people who suddenly has a “cause” that consumes their life. Maybe I’m the selfish one? Maybe I’m a terrible friend because suddenly $5000 weekends in Key West seem stupid. Because suddenly I don’t want the latest Chanel bag, or the newest accessory from Tiffany & Co. She doesn’t understand why I’m not me anymore.
There’s always been a rift, an unspoken one, because she adopts, but only privately, and only white children. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with this. But, when you spend YEARS complaining about the suffering of being childless, but not because of infertility, or because of lack of adoptable children in the world, but merely because you choose not to become pregnant and you choose only to parent Caucasian children. Well, it’s hard for someone who has experienced the opposite to be sympathetic. I chalked it up to personal choice, my choices don’t need to be everyone else’s. I need to be less judgmental, right? We’ve been friends for 5 years. We’ve been through a lot. But now, after having seen Ghana, it just all seems less tolerable. How do you just let it all go? Is this like a marriage? Do you go through rough patches and still find your way out? Or do you just say that it’s ok to have grown and changed and let yourselves grow apart. This is what I’ll be praying about tonight.