When I was in Ghana, I was asked to give my testimony. More or less, I was asked to explain how I felt about God. We don’t do that much at our church. We worship together, we sing, we praise. But, I’ve never been asked to speak in front of anyone. I got up there, in front of all the people who live at the school, people I deeply respect, and I told them that I had never felt closer to God then I did on the journey that brought me to them. How did I know there was a God? Because when He called me to Ghana (and He did call…LOUDLY), I watched all the donations pour in. I was awed and amazed. But, when I got on the plane, with more supplies than I had EVER hoped to have, I worried. I worried that it wouldn’t be enough. How would I ease anyone’s pain? I had no medicine, no IVs, none of the items I use every single day here in the States. What would I do? Throughout the flight, I prayed. And, I told everyone at Lucky Hill what it meant to “send it up”. In our church, when a problem is more than you can bear, when it is something that has brought you to your knees and you are ready to break, real faith means you “send it up” to God. You immediately feel the weight lifted. I felt that weight lifted right off as I sat there. This is how I know my God. Because, when I’m ready to break, I send it up, and, I always feel better.
Today has me ready to break. I said goodbye to FPD as he boarded a plane to Ghana to live what I hope will be a life changing journey for him as well. I encountered much drama from my family as they come to grips with the fact that GhanaGirl does seem to actually be coming, and she will indeed be the fifth child in our family. I helped a friend who can’t help herself or her children right now, only to have her lash out at me, because she knows I am the one person who refuses to walk away. I got word that after much a long ride on the adoption roller coaster, the two children we hoped to add to our family after GhanaGirl will go their own way. It was up and down for a long time, but this is officially the end of the ride. I’m ending it, because for now, we just need to focus on the new little tornado that will be entering our lives. It’s all a lot to swallow all alone. It’s too much for FPD to hear about right now. He needs to worry about the journey he is making.
I was surfing a few blogs just now, in the few moments of me time I get while they watch VeggieTales and unwind, and I found
this. I think it was meant to remind me that I need to “send it up”. Or, I need to “give it over”, depending on which particular branch of christianity you choose to participate in. I’m sending it up, for fear of breaking.