Selfish hearts.

I’m in a mood.  When you adopt, you go through these.  It’s like a never ending cycle.  Some days I just roll along and deal with all that we have going on in our lives with the kids we have in our home: the flu, soccer practice, spelling lists, swim practices, dinner and, of course, there’s my job or two and grad school.

Sometimes though I start to feel this welling up in my heart, it’s like a little pressure that reminds me how far we are from GhanaGal and GhanaGuy.  The pressure intensifies.  Then I get this panic going.  When will they come home?  Will they come home?  It’s not like with BubblyGirl, who lived at the children’s home.  These two live with their birth mother.  Everyday matters, everyday is important.  Everyday is a day of their 8 and 5 year lives that I am missing.  It’s not like I’m dealing with a 2-year-old.  These kids are older, my time with them feels like it’s wasting away.  I look at my 7-year-old and think how I don’t want to miss one day with him, he’s getting SO big.  But, I’m missing EVERY day with them.  My palms sweat, I feel tears in my eyes, I swallow hard and… I let it go.

I have to, there’s nothing I can do.  I hate it.  Every muscle in my body wants to jump on a plane and just take them home.  Unfortunately, I think immigration and the authorities (and probably their mom) would take issue with that.  I know the timing isn’t my timing, it’s His.  But, I just want it done.  In my head I know that it hasn’t been that long, but my heart is a different story.  My heart wants to know that they have a decree, or a passport, even a Social Welfare Report.  My head tells me that everyone over there is working SO hard to make this happen, and other kids need a chance to get home.  Unfortunately, hearts are selfish and don’t always listen to reason.

–FullPlateMom,
who devoted some time this morning to pray for the kids who need to get home first, it’s your turn now.
Ours will come.
Prayers for Precious, Vida and Kobe.      

3 Comments Add yours

  1. Shelley says:

    Hang in there…even when your arms get tired. You’re such a good person and I truly believe that what goes around comes around. Like you said, it’s His time….not ours. We know that, but it doesn’t mean we like it or that it’s easy. 🙂 Thinkin’ about’cha!

    Like

  2. Oh, FPM, I feel the same way. Every bit of it. We’ve missed 6 years of her life already, and every single day we miss a little bit more. So my tolerance for unecessary delays is far gone. Thank you for the prayers. I know they help and I have felt them lately! You (and your GhanaKids)have ours, as always.

    Like

  3. Wow-you said everything I have felt in the adoption process and you said it to a T! Thanks so much for sharing your experiences. Prayers for your process 🙂

    Like

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