Ho, Ho, Oh no…

So, Bubbly is in a mood.  She gets into these every once in awhile, where she gets a little big for her britches and it’s time to institute the “crack down” as FPD and I have labeled it.  This is the method we have developed when it comes time to either make or break the sassiness.  This method is totally time consuming, mentally exhausting and comes at a high price for the other kids living in the home.  During a “crack down” you have to give a consequence for every single infraction of the rules.  I’m talking about TINY infractions too.  Today she left her puzzles all over the floor.  I have told her MANY times to pick one puzzle, do it and then get another one.  She refuses to listen to my rules, so commence “cracking down”.  She was sent to sit on her bed (which has been stripped of all its stuffies) for three minutes.  During that time I stand at the door, but refuse to speak to her.  This way, she knows I’m there, but she also knows I’m livid.  Occasionally, I’ll move into the kitchen, but I’ll continue to tell her to calm down.  I talk to her because during these three minutes she will scream like her very soul is being torn in two.  I’m not kidding.  The girl deserves an Oscar.  I can’t say we didn’t know she was capable of that, she did it in Ghana.

She is allowed out either after three minutes, or after she calms down, whichever is longer.  Then she was asked to pick up her puzzles again.  The boys always offer to just clean it for her (probably to make the earsplitting hysterics stop), but I politely tell them NO WAY.  Her mess, she’ll clean it up.  Usually, she refuses.  She stomps and kicks and screams.  So…see ya.  Back to your room.  This cycle continues, sometimes for many moons.  Today, I was done with it after about minute 65.  I’m not kidding, I was totally and completely over it.  So… she lost her chance to go and sit on Santa’s lap.

I know!!!  It was out of my mouth before I could even think about what I was saying.  What had I done?  The girl has NEVER sat on Santa’s lap before and she has been waiting all week.  I couldn’t take it back.  I had completely screwed myself and all the other kids in our home.  It came out of my mouth, now there had to be follow-up.  I asked the three boys if they wanted me to leave her with dad and we could just go.  They put it to a vote, ResponsiBoy and GigantoBaby wanted to wait until she could pull it together, M-M voted to leave her sorry, weeping butt at home.  She watched them vote, and I think she knew what was going on.  I wanted her to watch them decide.  I want her to know that the world isn’t going to stop every time she doesn’t feel like cleaning up her toys.  Someday they’ll get tired enough that they will vote to leave her behind, and that will be the consequence to her actions.  She just stood there and cried quietly.  Since we’re democratic over here,  I told her we could try again on Tuesday during FHE, but, she wasn’t going tonight.  She had the fit to end all fits.  I’m not kidding.  She actually damaged things in her room.  It ended when all of the rest of us went downstairs to have movie night without her.  I sat in the Living Room outside her door until she fell asleep and then I went down to join them.

I’m going to be honest with you.  When I looked around the Family Room tonight during the movie and I saw my four that don’t carry this baggage, I remembered how simple things were before she came.  The time when we could all just go out without being held hostage by her many moods.  When we were finished I went upstairs and re-tucked her,  she muttered something in her sleep.  I kissed her cheek and realized that while life is certainly no where close to the same with her, it wouldn’t be the same without her either.

–FullPlateMom,
who loves her “calazy” girl, but can’t wait for this hostage crisis to be over.

5 Comments Add yours

  1. Thanks for posting such honest feelings. I have felt exactly the same way at times, thinking of life before we adopted a five year old. But really we wouldn’t be the same and overall the changes have been a blessing to all of us. Hang in there. It does get better when the finally really “get it”. I think we are so close to being there with Lilly now. She gets it.

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  2. Shannan says:

    This is a hard situation for all of us who have adopted older kids because you have to discipline them but at the same time keep that precious bond from breaking. I’m sure you know that often the same things that work for your other children don’t have the same effect on the Bubbles in our lives ie time out, taking toys away, taking away privileges…because in the beginning they feel safer being alone in a time out without you…they don’t want their toys anyways and don’t know how to play with them in the first place…and a lot of the privileges are things they don’t even understand so don’t care. It is really frustrating. Trying to teach them good manners without making them distrust us is a hard thing and it’s amazing because most parents take it for granted that a relationship of trust and approval just comes natural with most kids. Anyway…my point is…hang in there and just know that you are not the only adoptive mom out there who wonders “Did I really sign up for this?” And then when you see them all playing so cute and nice and happy and they give you a big hug and say they love you…you remember why you went through hell and back to adopt them in the first place!

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  3. It has been a week of “Did I really sign up for this” here too. And yes, we did sign up for all of it. But some days it is exahusting in every way. I get to the tucking-in time on the end of the last thread of the rope some days. And then, like you said, you get a little glimpse of her potential and her sweetness and your heart fills with the love that drew you to your Calazy Girl in the first place, and your strength is renewed for another day of battle. Fortunately our batteries recharge quickly!Hold on tight, FPM, you’re not alone in this.

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  4. Amen FPM!!! They call it tough love because it’s tough on EVERYONE ELSE in the house, but you have to stand strong and follow through. I really admire that about you. You nip it in the bud now. Hang in there. I know the frustration of drama queen deserving of an Oscar. I have one too. I know….:) I know you know that I know. 🙂 As I always say….hang in there

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