Ho, Ho, No mo’

She lost her chance to see Santa again.  This time we talked about it when she got up this morning.  If she could make it through the whole day without three “red cards” she could go and see the bearded wonder.

Violation one occurred right off the bat, she didn’t want to sit and have her hair braided.  No biggie, we’ll do it some other time.  When I told her we didn’t need to do it today, she flipped.  Lost her everlovin’ marbles and tried to take out my knee, Karate Kid style.  I could almost hear that crazy voice yelling “sweep the leg!!!!”.  Oh man, that one took awhile to come back from.  If she had just maintained her composure and not kicked me, it would have been cool.  She couldn’t do it.  We sat on the floor and she wailed and whacked me while we rocked it out.

Violation two came when she grabbed the back of GigantoBaby’s collar in an attempt to gain access to a toy.  She pulled so hard that it began to choke him.  I told her firmly, but calmly to “LET GO!” from the other half of the play room.  She pulled tighter.  Up to her room to commence round two.  You can’t play in the play room if you choke the other children, etc.  She came back from that one a little more quickly, but it still landed her with a violation because it totally endangered someone else.

Violation three came right before lunch.  I watched her enter the boy’s room (right off the play room).  She sat down with ResponsiBoy’s book about telling time.  First, she’s not allowed in there because she has broken so many of their things, and frankly, they need a place to escape her.  So, I went over to remind her of the rule.  I get to the door and see ResponsiBoy asking for the book back because she was pulling all the hands off the clocks.  They can be put back, annoying though.  She wasn’t giving it up.  He took it out of her hands, and good guy that he is, told her calmly that if she couldn’t be nice to his things, he would need her to leave.  She slapped him and told him “I go tell mama”.  She turned to the door and saw me standing there…totally busted.  I asked her “did you beat your brother?”.  She turns to me, smiles sweetly and says “I no beat my brother”.  I said “I just saw you beat him”.  Now we’ve had trouble with tense in the english language before, so I demonstrated.  “You hit him like this”, and then I whacked myself one.  She denied ever having done such a thing.  I asked her if she was a liar.  Harsh, but we’re speaking her language here.  In Ghana, if you lie, you are a liar.  She insisted she wasn’t.  I told her, unfortunately, that I had seen her, and that she was indeed lying.  I can’t STAND lying.  I always tell my kids that the consequence will be twice as harsh if they don’t just fess up to the error of their ways.  Apologize and there will be a natural consequence, lie and the natural consequence will be accompanied by a mom-made counterpart.  As a parent, it is my hot button.  And, she pushed it.  Game over.    

So, she’s in her bed now “taking a nap” while I vent in this forum in my Living Room.  I have soft music playing, which lets her know I’m out here.  She has screamed about the third violation and the fact she will “no go car” for the last 45 minutes now.  We rocked until she poked me in the eye and attempted to bite me.  I told her when she calmed down again I would come back in and rock her.  I just went back in and she told me “no thank you, I am very angry”.  Well, at least we’re attaching names to our feelings now.  I’m stumped though.  What could have triggered this backslide?  So, we’ll be visiting our lovely, local attachment therapist again next week.  It could just be the holidays, she is totally overwhelmed.

But, if it isn’t, and we’re out on that cliff again, I refuse to let her fall.

–FPM,
who feels ledge becoming smaller and smaller.

4 Comments Add yours

  1. A. Gillispie says:

    Hand in there FPM. You’re doing exactly what needs to be done, and she’ll thank you for it some day. I’m so sorry the Bubbly is adding stress to your holiday, and punishing herself. I feel all grinchy and out of sorts this year, and we have a dream attachment going on–just adding the fourth and not having it together is doing that to me. FWIW, she would have gotten red cards from me for those infringements as well! Love to Bubbly and her family.Anita

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  2. I can just picture it all!! Breath FPM, breeeaathhh….and be still. :)Back away from the ledge šŸ™‚ Oh man. I think you are on to something when you mention the holiday stress. I think this is like total over stimulation for her ( it is for my older two..Precious especially!). I can’t imagine what she must think. Still, no excuses for bad behavior. You are handling it well! I’m impressed! I am not nearly as calm as you are. I’d have spanked her already! šŸ™‚ Your kids are awesome too, being so patient. They are good examples to her. Keep up the good work mama!

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  3. Lois says:

    It’s been 6 days since I was at Julianna’s old stomping grounds, and I’m feeling over stimulation! I can’t go grocery shopping without crying, and forget the mall! She’s come so far in such a short period of time. Major back slide, but hang in there, your doing great. A battle of the wills, she knows you well. Very bright to have all of your buttons figured out :)I say get it over with and beat her already. You kknow I’m joking, but I would be a liar if I said I wouldn’t be tempted! Just think about the pineapple flambe’ at the coconut grove and you’ll be reminded of a moment of bliss…Love to all of you!

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