Grieving.

Another night of little to no sleep for me.  I don’t know if the stress of what we’ve just been through has gotten ahold of me, if I have a little bit of post-adoption depression, or if it’s the three spots of skin cancer they had to slice off my face just 48 hours ago (I think we can thank the African sun for that, and yes, I wore sunscreen everyday).

It was also a sleepless night for our GhanaGuy.  I think reality has set in.  This is home now.  It looks different, smells different, sounds different.  It’s just different than everything he’s used to.  All we can do is rock, read and cry together.  GhanaGal seems to have taken it in stride for now.  GhanaGuy is littler.  He had a mom he loved.  While GhanaGal has a unique understanding of why their mom could no longer parent them, GhanaGuy was protected for all that.  He just knows that he misses his mom.  He never asks to call her, but we do anyway.  I want him to hear me talking to her.  I want him to know that she and I are working through this together for him.  I want him to know that I love her, that I would never try to replace her.  Sometimes I wonder if that’s a good idea though.  He cries quietly every time he hears her on the other end of the phone.  So, I need your advice.  Do I keep offering up the phone calls?  I’m not sure what to do. If any of you out there have experienced a situation like this, I would love to hear about it.

–FullPlateMom,
who needs a nap.

4 Comments Add yours

  1. I am so sorry to hear how hard this transition is going for Ghanaguy but completely understand it as well. I wish I could be of help, hopefully you will find someone that is! I am glad your writing I am taking everything you have written to my memory bank for preparation, I know I will need it at some point! Thank you keeping you all in our prayers

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  2. I really don’t know. Efia is the opposite. She does not want to talk about, talk to, or look at pictures of anyone in Ghana. She refuses to talk to anyone from Ghana, she took down the Ghana flag that was in her room. I wish she would hold onto those links to her past. But maybe her past is something she wants to forget for now.Anyway, I think that GhanaGuy will benefit from seeing and hearing you all talk about his birthmother, and by writing letters or drawing pictures for her. Have you already found a counselor? As much as I thought Efia was adjusting very well (and she is), we have had some things come up that we just can’t handle on our own. Sometimes no matter how many books you read, you just don’t find quite the right answer. Can you have him “draw sad?” Even if he just scribbles with a color that looks like how he feels, it might help. It is heartbreaking to see our kids in pain, especially when we don’t know how to make it better.

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  3. And, I’m sorry you are having your own struggles too. It just pours on us sometimes, doesn’t it? Take care of yourself, because you are important to all of your children and FPD!I still don’t sleep well at night. I don’t think anyone will ever be the same after spending time in Ghana, and you were there for a LONG time.

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  4. Talk to him about it. Tell him you know he misses his mom. He is probably still afraid to ask….Tell him he can talk to her anytime. Tell him he can ask you or tell you when he wants he wants to talk to him mom. Then let him ask you. He’s younger…so it’s more difficult. He’s confused. But as long as he knows that he CAN talk to her when he’s ready….he’ll be comfortable with that. That’s my best advice. Of course I just got back from the gym and not all the air is in my brain yet….

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