Adoption, AJ, Ally, Juliana

When will I actually know you?

Adopting older children is filled with ups and downs, we’ve learned that FOR SURE in the last six weeks. But, we also knew that going into it.  What I didn’t know was how quickly I was going to bond to the Duo.   Bonding with the rabid little monkey that we call “Bubbly” was a much longer process.  It’s hard to bond with someone who literally spits in your face when you try to kiss her (seriously, it happened once).  Bonding with these two has gone well (so far, knock on wood, etc).  I didn’t expect to feel so protective of them so quickly.  I want so badly to see the world through their eyes.  I want SO badly to know if what I’m saying is comforting, or if it’s making it worse.  I want so badly to know their little hearts.

Yesterday was a rough day.  We found out more about their pasts that I wish I didn’t know.  Not that it changes my commitment to them, but it definitely angers me that they have had to carry these secrets for these last few weeks.  I told them that I was glad they told me, and that they shouldn’t feel like they have to carry a burden like that alone.  I told them that we are always here to help them carry it…always.  They both looked away and nodded.  I have a feeling there is more coming.  Which begs the question, when will I really know their story?  When will I know their hearts?

who hates secrets, and the man who told them they had to keep them.

1 thought on “When will I actually know you?”

  1. Yesterday was a horrible day for Efia too. Probably one of the worst, and probably not the last. I feel like I am poorly equipped to deal with the hurt she releases sometimes. I think part of her still believes that she will be beaten for telling us, or that we will be ship her back to Ghana. Every time she tells us part of her past, she seems to gain a little bit more light in her eyes. And I gain a bit more anger in my heart for the man who did and said the things that won’t let her trust us.I know we both read a long long list of books that were supposed to help. We have both consulted with professionals who kow what they’re talking about. But sometimes you are dealing with things that haven’t been covered, and you are only left with prayer to sort it all out. I spent the better part of yesterday begging my Father in heaven for the tools I need to help Efia heal, and for her to believe me when I tell her I love her. Only He can heal her heart completely.


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