Giggles got to go on her first field trip this week. She was very excited about it. I signed up to go with her. I like to accompany the kids as much as possible. It gets hard, with as many as we have in school now. But, it’s important to me that she doesn’t see my interactions with the other kids as any different than for her. She usually doesn’t like it when I visit her class. She doesn’t have a whole lot of friends yet, she’s still working on it. Well, kind of, the kids ask her a lot of questions about her life before. If she doesn’t understand the question or it’s uncomfortable, she just doesn’t answer. Beyond her brothers, she doesn’t have a ton of friends. So, her school day is somewhat of a mystery to me. I go in to work with her in the classroom, which she detests, so she barely speaks. This was good for me to see her in a more relaxed setting.
When I arrived, Giggles’ teacher gave me a group of six students, including Giggles, to be in my group for the day. Giggles smiled, seemed happy about it, then a few moments later I saw her happily chatting with her ELL (English Language Learners) teacher. The teacher quietly approached me and happily told me “Giggles would like to switch to my group”. This teacher is very young, and Giggles is adorable, so I’m sure she’s very excited that Giggles loves her. However, how is this appropriate? I told the teacher that I was really excited to spend the day with Giggles. Then, I quietly pulled Giggles aside and told her that I came just to be with her, because I love her so much, and that it hurt my feelings a little that she wanted to hang with someone else. She grabbed my hand and hugged me, as if to say she was sorry. We’re making progress, because before she would have hurt my feelings and then just shrugged. Now she’ll say she’s sorry or hug me. It just hurts to think that this teacher is as important as I am. I get it though. As much as I feel like Giggles is my daughter, she still feels like her mom is in Ghana. I have had ResponsiBoy as a son as long as Giggles had her Ghana mom. It would hurt me to think that someone could come in and fill my place in ResponsiBoy’s life in a mere 12 weeks. Why should it be any different for Giggles? So, while my head understands, my heart hurts. And, I can go for days, or weeks, without thinking much of it. Then something like this reminds me how far we have to go to get to be able to say we are all attached.
She loved the field trip though. Part of the 2nd/3rd grade curriculum is to learn about local governance, so she got to meet the mayor, county exec and a police officer. We also went into the city’s municipal court and met with the judge. She even felt comfortable enough to go up to the mic and ask the judge a question. I’m very proud of her.
who knows we’ll get there…eventually.