No, I’m not making some kind of earth shattering announcement about my sexuality. FPD laughs at me every time I refer to our kids as having “two moms”. Inappropriate, I know. But, that’s my husband.
This week, for the first time, I gave Giggles permission to love her Ghana Mom as a mom too. I had thought previously that it would go without saying that this was okay with me. We talk about birth moms, we share good memories. I thought they knew that I love their Ghana Mom. I have told them, often, how thankful I am for her. But, something I was conveying was obviously making it so that Giggles thought it wasn’t okay to love us both. Maybe it’s just Giggles trying to “forget”. After speaking with her Ghana Mom so nicely on the phone last week, we called again just to say “hi” because ShyGuy wanted to talk to Little Brother. Ghana Mom asked to speak with Giggles. FPD heard Ghana Mom ask Giggles if she knew who this was and Giggles response was “No. I don’t remember you”. Ouch.
I got home from work and FPD relayed this story. I wanted to strangle Giggles. After all her mom did for her! After all her sacrifice! Doesn’t she get what a big deal this is?!? No. She doesn’t. She’s 8 years old. So, I gave myself the night to figure out what I wanted to say to her. The next morning I told her we were calling Ghana Mom back. I told Giggles that I know she DOES remember her and that we need to be respectful to the people who love us, and to the people we love. I told Giggles that I KNOW she loves her Ghana Mom, and that it is okay with me. It’s great to love your TWO moms. Part of all my kids stories is that they have TWO moms (or in Bubbly’s case, TWO dads. HA! We’ll see how FPD likes that action).
When I told Giggles that it’s okay to love BOTH your moms she began to cry. She was able to verbalize that life here is “easier” and that she wishes she had “been here always”. I can see that. ResponsiBoy, Middle-Middle, GigantoBaby, the Diva and even Bubbly have something that she doesn’t… a mom who has known them since infancy. They have family memories. Giggles doesn’t. For the first time, I imagined what it must feel like to be her, on the outside looking in. She’s watching the other children tell her about all these trips that we took, all these family traditions that we have. I think both of the Duo, but ShyGuy less so (just because he’s less aware), feel left out. I wanted to cry for Giggles when through absolutely gritted teeth she told me “I just wish I had been here always, like the other children”. I told her that I wished that too, because it’s hard to be the mom that’s always different too. I wish that I had given birth to her, just the way she is (as a beautiful black girl) and that every time people looked at me they didn’t think “there goes Giggles’ adoptive mom”. I told her that it is hard for all of us, but that God made us this kind of family because He knew what he was doing, that we have to trust His plan because, so far, it seems like a good one. I’m praising that plan, but praying that Giggles will see its wisdom eventually.
who wishes she could “feel” a little less right now.