It’s National Adoption Month (just in case you haven’t heard me say it about a billion times by now). In case you haven’t been reading for very long, our family was formed by adoption (see post below for info). Over the last eight years we have adopted six times/seven children. We are so profoundly blessed.
For children who live in poverty, adoption isn’t always the answer. If you had asked me eight months ago, I would have told you that impoverished children were better off adopted. This is so incorrect that I’m embarrassed that I ever thought that. When we adopted Giggles and ShyGuy, one of the other ‘Out of Africa’ moms and I hiked to the neighboring village to meet the family of a few other children who were supposedly set to come to America in the next few months. The details of what occurred are not mine to share, but I have to say, this biological family was not at ALL prepared for adoption. The children were poor, yes, but they were well cared for. The mother didn’t know anything about adoption. She didn’t want her children to leave. Should she have them taken away simply because she is poor? Heck no. The adoptive family walked away from this situation. Their hearts broke, but they did it because it was the right thing to do. This family are truly heroes, because I know this kind of hurt. It never goes away. It fades, but it’s always there in some form.
We, personally, also lost our son in Ethiopia this way. We were told he was an orphan, and technically, he was. But when we investigated his real story, it turned out that he had a paternal uncle who really would have liked to parent him but couldn’t due to financial circumstances. Orphan? Technically, yes. Alone in the world? No. We immediately stopped our adoption, as heart breaking as it was for us, and moved on to find a situation where there was a child who needed us as much as we needed them.
This is why FPD and I were in Ghana FIVE times in 12 months to do the adoption of Bubbly and then the Duo. We went two extra times then we needed to. We wanted to meet and spend time with the kid’s biological family, who would now become our family as well, to really assess their need. In both cases, there were personal extenuating circumstances that prevented their only living biological parents from parenting them. Those reasons are not mine to share. These parents remain a part of our every day lives. We are choosing to keep the children’s biological family intact as possible as well. For us, this is what adoption is about.
As an adoptive family, we are very blessed to have been given the gift of parenting these children. There are families in Ghana who would not choose adoption. They would like to remain intact, and in Ghana. This is where you can help. As an adoptive parent, it is hard for me to even form these words because I can’t imagine NOT having my children in my home. Here goes…
Adoption should be a last resort.
It wasn’t at Luckyhill, some adoptions were being brokered that were not the biological family’s first choice. This could have ended so badly for FPD and I, and by extension our newly adopted children. I could have unknowingly destroyed a family. It has happened to others. Whose fault is this? Is it the adoptive family’s fault? No. Not as long as they truly didn’t know what was going on, and very few people who adopted from Luckyhill did. I truly believe God opens our eyes to certain problems that He wants help fighting when he shows you life’s “near misses”. For our family, this was most definitely a near miss. I could have ruined my own children’s family. So, I felt God asking me “well, what are you going to do about it?” My answer is, that by speaking up, I can help stop this from happening to anyone else.
If you would like to help keep a family together, please contact me about the former children of Luckyhill and what you can do to continue supporting them. Or, if you would like to connect to Ghana in a different way. Please see this post. You can also contact Anita, through the aforementioned blog, for information on how to adopt ethically. Because, this isn’t about us, it’s about our kids.
who needs you to help.