A Process.

As I parent my kids, I am reminded that, even after two years, grief is a process and not a destination.  Our little ShyGuy is grieving hard core again.  Adding to our family again has raised so many questions in his little heart.  We’re working hard to provide the reassurance he needs.

We’re also at a turning point with him where I’m working hard to teach him kindness.  He didn’t learn it in Ghana.  He learned to manipulate, bully and lie to get his way.  When he first came, we let some of these behaviors slide as he adjusted and acquired language.  I’m over that now.  We’re cracking down hard on any sort of unkind attitude.  If my kids leave this house with anything I want it to be respect for others.  Unfortunately, our ShyGuy is not respectful of anything but his own needs.  Poverty taught him to be inherently selfish.  Teaching him a different way is a process too.

For the second day in a row, he has lost privileges for shouting, not naming his feelings, and generally terrorizing his brothers into doing what he wants.  For the second day in a row, he is on his bed downstairs shouting his little lungs out because he can’t play the XBox.

Poor guy.  I have to keep telling myself to be patient, not to get angry, to try to understand.  That’s a process as well.

–FullPlateMom,
who sees a little boy who has run aground.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Robyn says:

    I know this post is years old, but I am currently reading my way through your archives until present entries and am up to this time.

    I just felt compelled to reach out and thank you for the insight shared in this post. I am not an adoptive parent, without going into too many details my child’s biological father is from Africa and while he’s not in our lives I really appreciate how you word things re: survival instincts etc

    Like

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