18 months…

Our little China Doll turned 18 months old yesterday.  I think about our little Bubbly at that age and pray that what Bubbly was going through isn’t at all mirroring what our girlie in China is living through.

At 18 months old, Bubbly was fending for herself.  It was shortly after this age that Bubbly was relinquished to Lucky Hill.  She was relinquished to a place where she was left wandering alone and fighting for every scrap of food she could most of the time.  This did long-term damage to her little brain.  A typically developing 18 month old looks to their mom, dad, or whoever is caring for them, to provide them with love, comfort and to provide for their basic needs.  When there is no one to fill that role, something shuts down in their little brain and pathways that normally connect just don’t form.  Something is lost.

It has taken YEARS to reconnect those pathways for Bubbly.  She’s still, by nature, a distrustful little girl.  I don’t blame her.  She still steals food.  She still flinches when a person larger than her moves towards her too quickly.  She worries about transitions, like vacation.  Will she ever go home?  Where will she sleep?  Where will we eat?  Sometimes those worries create erratic, babyish behavior.  This has led to a diagnosis somewhere on the Autism spectrum.  She is almost 6-years-old and on her worst days, she acts like a 2-year-old.

I still struggle with her every single day.  Now that I understand a little more how she became this way, how this special need happened, I know just enough to be afraid and to worry about exactly what this lost time means for our new little girl.  As a mom, it’s a horrible thing to have to pray that someone you don’t even know is just providing the basics for your child.  If she were in our home, we’d be working on counting, letter recognition, trying to challenge her little brain to grow and develop.  I don’t even care about that.  I just want someone to hold her when she cries, to feed her when she’s hungry and to comfort her when she’s in pain, which she undoubtedly is.

It’s sad to have to pray for that for any child, because it’s what every child deserves.

who prays that the next 18 months will be spent healing her little girl.  Now, if we could just get to her.

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