I’m absolutely overloaded. It’s not just the travel arrangements, the scheduling of doctors appointments, the renting of Oxygen concentrators or the buying of baby bottles, it’s the deja vu that goes with all of this. It’s the crushing reality of knowing what’s coming for us and what it could mean for our family.
The emotions of working this hard to get our Dolly home, and then finally being at mile 22 of a 26.2 mile race are choking me. I now know what it means to adopt a child who has lived in an orphanage. I know what it means to stare at the poverty she came from and to have no choice but to turn and come home, leaving behind all the other children that live in despair everyday. I know that when I get home I’ll be a new version of me again.
I know how these experiences change me.
Sometimes, that change isn’t for the better. I often feel like other people can’t possibly understand, so I fold inward. I become a little anti-social, and I cut off relationships that I shouldn’t because I can’t focus on anything but where I’ve just been and what I’ve just seen. Writing helps put this out there. All these feelings, all these emotions, I know they’re normal. I know every adoptive parent experiences them, but that doesn’t make it any easier.
Change is hard. For everyone.
who is getting closer.