FPD, FPM, Meat and Potatoes

Familial Shorthand

I think that every family, regardless of the number of kids, develops their own language of sorts.  Sociologically speaking, this language is directly derived from the culture within one’s family unit.  Certain colloquialisms become common within nuclear families.

This is a fancy way for me to say that here in the FullPlate House, we’ve taken some phrases from our shared history and turned them into things that only make sense to us.  In other words, we’re full of inside jokes.

And I’m about to let you in on them and their definitions.

Consider this a window into the weirdness that is daily life around here.

Ghanaian Funeral Wailing = The act of crying at the top of your lungs in a melodramatic, and usually unnecessary, manner.  As if one is attending a Ghanaian funeral or acting in a Ghanaian drama.

                   Ex.  ShyGuy crying because he felt snack was insufficient or unacceptable.  FPM turns to FPD and says “And… cue the Ghanaian Funeral wailing”.  At this moment, ShyGuy bursts into horrendous sobs, acting as if this will be his last meal before execution.  He is promptly sent to his room until he can get the wailing under control.

Only If You Are Bleeding or On Fire = The only two conditions by which a minor child in the FullPlate House has any right to bother FPM while she is on the phone for work or typing a paper for Grad School.

                  Ex.  Child bursts into the bedroom while FPM is finally connected to customer service rep at large and annoying health insurance company to which the family subscribes.  She turns to said child and hisses “Are you bleeding or on fire?  No? Then…GET OUT!!!”

The Tiny Chairman = The most recent addition to the FullPlateHouse who happens to be of Chinese ancestry and happens to more then slightly resemble Chairman Mao in both physical appearance and attitude.  This child happens to be a bit of a dictator.

                  Ex.  Child shouts “MOM!  Dolly is crying for more food!”, mother rolls her eyes, stops what she is doing and mumbles to another child “Let’s go, the Tiny Chairman speaks” and puts Dolly in her high chair for what is, no doubt, the tenth time that day.

A Brown Out, aka Code Brown = Not having to do with any sort of interruption of electricity or with any sort of medical emergency, but rather with someone pooping their pants in the most inconvenient of moments.  No example is necessary.  You can picture it, I’m sure.  We’ve all been there.

The Eeyore = The FullPlate Child who is currently being the biggest sour puss about an event that is supposed to be entertaining, and something that we likely spent quite a bit of money to do.

                    Ex. FPM says loudly to a pouting child “I know you’re not being an Eeyore ARE YOU?!? Because if you are, you and I will sit in the car!!!”

who wonders what your familial shorthand includes.

1 thought on “Familial Shorthand”

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