Broken heart, Tess

Forcing Me Into the Here & Now.

As I sit here, I’m watching footage of the school shooting in Connecticut.  Dolly and I are home now.  She is sitting in my lap, babbling happily.  My own heart breaks for the families who lost their children.  I can’t even imagine.

As I am wondering how to live each day knowing that I have a child who might be dying, wondering how to live with that kind of knowledge, someone else just found out they didn’t even get a warning.  They don’t get to plan.  They don’t get to think about enjoying each and every single day.  They just had their child snatched away from them.

Moments like this, coupled with what we are learning about our baby, forces me to live in a way that is totally counterintuitive to who I am.  I am a planner.  I am a thinker.  I hate the unknown.  I want to control each and every single step of Dolly’s journey.  I can’t.  Nothing is in my control.  Not Dolly’s journey.  Not my own journey.  What happened in Connecticut today proves that.

This kind of tragedy, and our own baby’s heartbreaking news, forces me to live in the right here and now.  I can’t think about what will happen tomorrow.  I have to think about what is happening today.  I have to enjoy this moment with all my children.

who is going to go and hug her babies

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