It’s not just me.

I told one of Dolly’s doctors yesterday that FPD and I aren’t the only ones facing choices for our daughter.  We’re not the only ones who adopted a child with this severe of a need.  We’re not alone.  Sometimes, it feels that way, then I read other people’s journeys and while some of them bolster me on, some of them scare me so much.  I need that though.  I need to know that I’m not the only mom going through this.  Dolly isn’t the only little girl we have to make these choices for.

Right now, Baby S is in the PICU across the country, struggling to survive.  She came from the same place Dolly did.  I don’t just mean they’re both from China.  I mean they lived at the same orphanage together.  I’ve watched Baby S struggle right along with Dolly.  Now they’re at a point no parent wants to be at.  The point we dread getting to with Dolly.

There’s hope, and Andrea is clinging to it, but as a parent, it is so hard.

Andrea describes, with absolutely perfect words, what sometimes defies my ability to explain.

“Choosing to adopt a child with a severe medical condition is very different than setting out to adopt a healthier child or conceiving with the hope of a healthy baby.  This element of choice, of knowing what is coming, creates a very confusing and difficult scenario.  We adopted our precious little girl knowing that the outcome might not be what we hoped for, and we have rejoiced in every moment we have had with her.  At first, we placated ourselves by saying, “Now she at least has a chance. She has a family and a warm bed and a full belly.” But then it hits: she deserves more.  She deserves to experience those things for a long, long time. The idea that a child would only have 10 weeks of the love of a family and of physical comfort is a bitter thought.  It’s not enough. I have not been able to reconcile myself with that yet.  There are families within our circle of friends who have adopted severe CHD kids from China who are struggling with this, too.  Do you try treatment, knowing it may fail and the intervention itself may shorten the child’s life, or do you do nothing?  How as parents do we make that choice? And how do we navigate the shadowlands? I know I couldn’t do this without my faith.  That is where my peace comes from.  I know that there is life after this life here on Earth.  But I also know that I want her here with us for as long as possible.”

Both Baby S and Dolly really deserve so much more.  This is exactly what I want for them, more time. I want that for every child, but especially the ones who started out in such rough places.  They’ve made it to the promised land, the place every child wants to be…in a family.  It seems so heartwrenchingly cruel to have that ripped away.  

But, it’s not really the promised land is it?  Andrea is spot on.  Having faith means knowing that’s what comes after.  And in the here and now, I’ve made a difference for this one baby whose life will forever change mine.  

Today, at FullPlateManor, we’re praying for Baby S by name.  We want her to have more time.  We know that is asking a lot though, both for her, and for our own baby.  

This is Andrea’s blog.  

Home is Where the Heart Is

Please pray with us.  


who would give almost anything for a little more time.  

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