Headed Home.

I’m posting from the road, so you’ll have to excuse any odd formatting. I have 271 pictures of our trip to work through once we get there. I purposely haven’t edited any of them yet. I like to do that once we’re home and I have time to sit and enjoy the tiny recap of our adventure.

We had a fabulous time. Dolly did beautifully. She’s definitely made to be in our family. She’s a truly adventure loving girl. She lit up at all the sights, sounds and excitement. I kept thinking about how exciting the next vacation would be, how much more she will enjoy. Then a nagging voice in the back of my brain would say ‘if she’s here…’. Then I would feel my stomach flip and my heart sink.

I officially feel the number hanging over us again. In 8 short days they’ll open her and she’ll forever have that scar. In 8 short days her world will change. In 8 short days I’ll put my baby through hell. And…cue the tears as I write it.

FPD and I have hardly discussed it. I don’t think either one of us has it in us to even plan the logistics. We both keep putting it off. We were so focused on this trip, and making the most of it, that we chose not to think about it.

The end of vacation is bad enough. This makes it worse. We’ve done hard things before, but I can honestly say, facing this feels like the hardest.

I’m trying to be strong, like I promised, but that feels hard right now too.

–FullPlateMom,
who will try to just enjoy the warm weather before that’s over too.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. I am right there with you Becky! Every time I think about the surgery my stomach hurts…and my heart hurts…and I just wish I could close my eyes and make it ALL go away 😦

    Like

  2. Drea says:

    Stay strong, both of you. The anticipatory anxiety is the worst. It’s like staring into an abyss, and there is so much fear. But push through you will, and soon you will be on the other side and cheering your children on through recovery and a new tomorrow filled with hope and optimism.

    Like

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