I need to think about that more often. There’s flux in my life right now. My job isn’t for sure anymore, which happens every once in awhile, but this time, I think it’s for real. Companies are bought and sold, and in the shuffle, people are sometimes let go. My bet would be that this is my sometimes. So, because I’m a planner, and because I’m responsible for eight kids, I have to have a plan B, and C, and D, and E, and F…
I’m lucky enough to have been given the gift of a graduate degree. I used the tuition reimbursement that has come with my jobs through the years to slowly plod away at my masters in Nursing. I’ll finish next month. Part of forming a back up plan is to consider what I’ll do with this degree. This is when I’m reminded how much my life choices, the choice to have this large of a family, has limited me.
I see other people my age (ahem, almost 35) having only their first or second child, some of them are even just getting married. I see them having finished what I am only finishing now years ago when they were childless or single. I see them taking great leaps and planning great adventures. They’re traveling overseas, taking vacations and doing things I will have to wait until retirement to do, if I ever do at all.
They’re living life’s greatest adventures.
I’m cleaning up pee. A lot.
I’m also mired, waist deep, in choices about how to get the very best health insurance, how to get a job that will keep us where we are, or how to find a place that will accommodate (or maybe even welcome) a family that looks like we do. I have to fight to keep us at the school we’re in, or find one equally as good. I have to consider housing, the one we have, and what kind of house we would fit in elsewhere.
It’s in these moments, when I have all this pressure weighing me down, that I start to think that maybe taking the road more often traveled would have been better. I start to think about what life would be like if we were only now starting it, if we had spent the last decade traveling, spending time just us, and not doing what we have been. You know, raising this crazy amount of children.
Then I think about the last week.