This was the first picture I ever saw of her. So stoic. So sad. So sick.
We were granted one of the most amazing blessings when we were allowed to call her ours, and then we were granted time to watch her grow and thrive in our home.
Tomorrow FPD and I will drive her to our local pediatric heart center to discuss how to continue to give her the very best quality of life. She deserves many, many years of laughter and happiness. We have always kept that thought firmly in our minds when we talk to any member of our medical team about the next surgical step for our girl.
The days leading up to these appointments always, always wreak havoc on my psyche. I’m moody, I’m sad, I’m hopeful, I’m determined, I’m…a whirlwind of every emotion known to man. Yesterday, I spent time gathering every study I could on all the procedures that have been suggested to us as possibilities. I made notes in the margins to take with me tomorrow.
I am my daughter’s advocate. It’s what a mother does.
Today there was no data left to gather. I was restless. I found myself perusing Facebook to see which of the children from the waiting child list I follow have finally found their family. I needed something to lighten my mood and raise my spirits. I couldn’t help it. I clicked on the link for the children with heart defects like my Dolly.
There are two little girls in China right now, the exact age Dolly was when her first little photograph appeared in my inbox, waiting for the miracle she has been given. One has been waiting over a year for her family to find her, just like our Dolly did. Every day she gets a little more tired. Every day she gets a little more blue.
She has no advocate.
Her face, her tiny picture with tears glistening in her eyes, has haunted me all day. I thought of her as I watched Giggles carry Dolly to her room to tuck her into her pink bed. I thought of her as I heard my Dolly sing herself to sleep.
And, I’m certain, I’ll think of her tomorrow when we talk about the next step for Dolly, when this precious baby may never have a first one.
FPD and I have donated proceeds from our sales at Fine 9 Designs and from this blog towards these two little faces in hopes that this will offset the cost of someone who may step forward to be their advocates.
If you think you might be that person, please email me.
who always thinks, on days like this, that we could do it just one more time for just one more baby.