Little Fires.

There are days that go by in this house where we move along without my thinking a whole lot about the kids’ emotional needs.  They usually do okay.  There are always small boo boos to kiss and skirmishes between siblings to mediate, but overall, we do okay.  

Then, there are days like today, where I run around putting out tiny fires.  “Mom, hey, I was wondering about my birth mom…” An hour later, and with four more children having gathered around (because when one asks the question, it’s really so much easier to just quietly listen in then to be the one to ask the hard questions), I finish with what I think is a solid explanation of what I know, not what I think happened to lead to their adoptions.  

Then… “So, why do YOU think she made that choice?”  Another hour later, I have one in tears about something that is so obviously related to the aforementioned conversation and not related to what happened at school today.   

It’s so hard to be adopted.  And, I’ll be honest, it’s so hard to be an adoptive mom.  I don’t know why she made those choices.  And, I don’t know why she makes the choices she continues to make.  I do know that I won’t lie about who she is.  Ever.  

So, children, as we enter pre-adolescence, it’s time for me to start easing you into the idea that she’s not the fairy princess you want her to be.  She’s human.  She’s broken.  We all are.  Please don’t expect more out of her than you do out of me, because she can’t do it.  No one can.  You’ll end up being disappointed.  

This was the conversation I had with the five eldest tonight.  

It’s natural for you to imagine she’s something she isn’t, that she’s something perfect, that she made the choice she did because of some sort of external force, and not because of anything she chose.  I wish I could say that were true.  It’s not.  She made the choice she did because she made mistakes.  Do we love her less for that?  No. We love her more for her brokenness.  We love her more because she needs us to love her more.  

And, if she disappoints you, I’m here to pick up the pieces.  

who will always be here.  It’s what a mom does.  

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