To Make You Well.

My break is over.  I am rested and ready to get back to work.  For the last week, FPD has taken the lead on interactions with the child in our home who, occasionally, resents me more than life itself.  You know what?  Her behavior improved.  I truly believed that had a lot to do with the fact that, for awhile, I let go.  We were irritating each other to the very cores of our existence.  We needed that break.

Now it’s time for me to saddle back up.  She has seemed receptive to that.  We’re in a better place.  I think, just maybe, she realizes that she needs me a little.  I need her too.  She’s my baby.  I haven’t forgotten that, I don’t want her to either.

As I pounded out my 5K on the treadmill today (blasted contraption and I have a love hate relationship…my soul loves it, but my mind hates the #$@^ thing) this song played in my ears.  It made me think of my girlie.

When life leaves you high and dry
I’ll be at your door tonight
If you need help, if you need help.
I’ll shut down the city lights,
I’ll lie, cheat, I’ll beg and bribe
To make you well, to make you well.

There isn’t much I wouldn’t do to make her well.  All the therapies, all the research on trauma, all the techniques I fill my toolbox with, I won’t give up.  I refuse to let it ruin her.  Sometimes, it all gets the better of us, but I won’t let it ruin her chances.  I refuse.

When enemies are at your door
I’ll carry you away from more
If you need help, if you need help.
Your hope dangling by a string
I’ll share in your suffering
To make you well, to make you well.

It has gotten so much better.  We’ve come so far.  I can’t let myself forget that.

When you fall like a statue
I’m gon’ be there to catch you
Put you on your feet, you on your feet.
And if your well is empty
Not a thing will prevent me.
Tell me what you need, what do you need?

It’s lonely sometimes when I have to be…

Her back bone.
Her cornerstone.
Her crutch when her legs stop moving.
I’m her head start.
But…she’s my rugged heart.

And, just like that, I’m exhausted again.

But she’s so worth it.  I have to remind her of that, but I never have to remind myself.

Juli Ruth

So tonight, this is for all you other mamas and papas out there who are parenting the hurt child.  You’re not alone.  Take a break.  You deserve it.  In fact, you need it.  Don’t forget, it takes a lot to make them well.

–FullPlateMom, who does it for her, because she’ll love her long after she’s gone, gone, gone.

4 Comments Add yours

  1. Sarah says:

    This gave me goosebumps. And I hope that one day she can understand the depth of your love for her.

    Like

  2. charlotte says:

    you are truly amazing, I hope im half the mother you are. x

    Like

  3. Every word you have written touched the softest chord in the readers’ hearts. What you do to her, as well as your inner struggle, should be appreciated. Stay strong and stay safe!

    Like

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