I got so many wonderful comments about my post on our work with our precious Bubbly girl. She had a rough day yesterday, but we talked it out. Talked. We never used to be able to do this. It used to be that rough days involved tantrums, screaming and lots of physical aggression. They don’t anymore. I am so grateful for that. We are making progress.
FPD and I have been together since we were 17 and 18 years old. When you’re now 35 and 36 years old, that’s a long time, half your life. There isn’t a lot of thought that goes into maintaining a marriage when things have become habitual and the world around you moves at light speed. There are A LOT of other people’s needs to attend to. We become each other’s last priority. Always. After awhile, that takes its toll. We spend all of five seconds together every day as we run the kids here and there, address their emotional needs and then find time to work outside the home to pay for all the aforementioned activities and needs.
We’re kind of falling apart.
This has happened before. It’s not easy to live the way we do, and we’re by no means perfect. I’m not easy to live with…at all. My Type A personality clashes with FPD’s laid back nature and I sometimes get irrationally and inappropriately angry about how he isn’t living up to what I need him to be. He’s not trying hard enough, he’s not anticipating what I need, he’s not doing it my way. Ouch. In turn, he gets angry that I’m constantly yelling at him, so he yells back. It becomes a yelling fiesta.
It becomes especially bad when, in the middle of all of it, we’re adding another kid.
I always take the lead on the adoption paperwork because of the aforementioned Type A/control freak personality. That stress is usually just enough to tip me over the edge from borderline nuts to completely insane. When you add in the fact that Poppy isn’t totally medically stable, well, stick a fork in me…I’m done. I’m always priority 456 for FPD and he has just fallen off my radar completely. In fact, in this stage, he becomes more of an annoyance than anything else. What a good relationship to model for our kids! How sad!
We were honest with them last night, that these last couple of weeks have been rough, but that we care about each other enough to realize that we’re in a rough patch and that we’re going to find a way to prioritize each other again, because we need to be important to each other. That’s what I want to model for them, that this isn’t easy. A marriage takes work. We’re not always going to agree. We’re human. We fight. But, we don’t just give up. This will get better, it always does. It’s just hard right now.
–FullPlateMom, who is just plain tired.
Postscript: Comment moderation is enabled. I’m not interested in hearing how I ‘have too many children’ or I’m a ‘whiner.’ Those kinds of comments don’t get published, because they’re untrue. I don’t have ‘too many children’ and this is honesty, not whining. Thanks though.