When You’re Ready to Give Up.

A couple of months ago, we got word through a third party that Poppy needed to have her eye removed.  She was in terrible pain and her eye tumor was growing rapidly.  Then…nothing.  I got picture updates and she looked better.  Through their Facebook page, I could see that the foster home Poppy currently lives in had admitted quite a few very medically needy children and, I received word, they were severely underfunded.  So, Poppy’s surgery would need to wait.

Meanwhile, her eye tumor continued to grow.  It is markedly larger than it was just a few weeks ago.

Poppy

Then, there were no new pictures for a long time and I began to wonder if Poppy was in pain again and they didn’t have any “good” pictures to send.  There is no way for me to communicate directly with her foster home.  So, I have to wait, and pray, for the occasional picture update through Social Media.  When no posts came, and our dossier was lost, all I could do was pray that she was holding tight.  Our dossier has been found, but sadly, has moved nowhere.

Today I received word that her eye is now scheduled for removal.  This is hard to take as a mama, and as a peds RN.  I have a million questions about what they’ll do now that the tumor is so large.  The de-bulking of such a large tumor isn’t easy and her eyelids are stretched in a way that would require a Plastic Surgery consult here in the U.S.  Pathology would also be run on the eye here in the U.S. to make sure the tumor is NOT cancer.  I am waiting to hear if that will be done in China.

This process feels like running through mud.  I’m expending all this effort to get nowhere.  Because our dossier hasn’t moved.  We are no closer to getting to Poppy then we were a month ago.  Those facts are hard for me to swallow.  Sometimes, when you’re running really, really hard and you’re getting nowhere, your body tells you to just STOP RUNNING.  The pain will go away if you just give up.  I want to give up.  I’m tired.  I’m balancing a million things, and this is just…so much.

But then there’s this face…

Blue BowsShe never gave up.  Not once.  She keeps running no matter what.  And, she wants a mei mei more than absolutely anything.  I’m not adopting Poppy FOR Dolly, but right now, I’m inspired by her to continue on.

–FullPlateMom, who needs to find herself a few more cheerleaders along the route.  This may be a LONG race.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Gretchen says:

    Waiting with you. Little Dolly is giving me the nudge for perseverance, too. Because, I’ve been a little tired of mud walking. Praying hard. xxxooo

    Like

  2. Christy says:

    Continuing to cheer you on from across the country, sweet friend! Poppy needs you almost as much as you need her. Stay strong. She’s worth the pain, heartache, stress, aggravation (with the system), and every obstacle in your path. Of course I know you already know this. Poppy’s 9 brothers & sisters here are a testimony that you don’t throw in the towel when the going gets tough. You & FPD are awesome parents. Poppy deserves to be part of an awesome family like yours. Don’t give up. With God, ALL THINGS are possible…even this seemingly impossible-to-endure process. xo

    Like

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