Sorry for the radio silence. We’re under some pressure around here. We always are when we add a new member to our family. I know we make this look good, but I always want to be honest about the struggles we face too. This blog would be useless if I blew sunshine and roses up your skirt all day long, and it wouldn’t be a true representation of how we actually lived. When the kids came back to read it, which is the true purpose, to preserve memories, they would be like “Ack! This is NOT what happened! This is not how we lived!”
So, while protecting their privacy, I want to be real. It’s not all sunshine and roses. I brought home a sad, sick and terrified baby.
I think this blog just nails it when describing what it’s like after the airport.
The fear, the terror, the uncertainty for Poppy is sitting right at the surface right now. I leave the room, she turns around, notices I’ve left the room, and immediately panics, screams and RUNS to try to find me. If she can’t find me, she runs into things in a panic, because she’s visually impaired and panic makes that worse. The other kids try to stop her, try to calm her, try to comfort her and the terror only hits a new level. Why are all you people singing to me? Why is the only one I knew gone? Where did she go? FIND HERRRRRR!!!
It’s exhausting. It’s exhausting for her, for me, for all of us. We’re under pressure to try to make her feel like this is okay, like she’s safe with us. Like this is forever.
If you add into that the medical issues that we’re facing, the pressure only grows.
Poppy’s eye is more complex then we thought it was. It turns out she also has problems with her right eye. She has a cataract and some corneal scarring there too. This makes saving her left eye all the more important, which isn’t an easy proposition. The pressures in both eyes need to be LOW. We can’t have any Glaucoma or we’re done.
We also need to make some big decisions for Dolly. We’re getting closer to deciding. I feel like I’ve done all the research I can, spoken every specialist I can, but the surgeons want to do one more heart cath to check her lung pressures before we schedule surgeries. Her lung pressures need to LOW.
It is all ridiculously hard right now.
But, it’s also ridiculously beautiful.
–FullPlateMom, who is ready for what may come.