If you know me in real life, you know that I’m an adoption junkie.
I live and breathe it.
It wasn’t always that way. When we adopted our first son, I didn’t want to be the poster child for any of this. I didn’t want our family to be, in any way, shape or form thrust into the limelight.
Then so much changed. There was Ghana, and all the turmoil of seeing totally unscrupulous adoption practices in the midst of utterly overwhelming oppressive poverty. And, our family changed from having four, to having seven. There was no way I was going to be able to hide anymore, we were THAT family. The one that was living WAY outside any sort of social norm. When Dolly came, she brought with her a whole host of new experiences. We got to see what a lack of any sort of medical care or nurturing did to a child. This blog grew, and so did the hit count, to thousands upon thousands of hits per day from people wondering how and WHY we lived this way. Some wondered if they could do what we are?!? Two more children came, and we moved more outside the box. There came a point where I basically threw up my hands. Why bother trying to hide? We’re all in now. We adopted two more, and last week, I added ‘Advocate’ to my official list of jobs. Mom, Nurse, Small Business Owner, Writer and Advocate. There are some days I wouldn’t rank them in that order, but there they all are.
My kids stay out of the advocacy for the most part. They get to CHOOSE how much adoption they want to live and breathe. When you’re 10, 11, or 12 years old, awkward in your own body, you probably don’t want to remind people of all the ways you’re different from them. So, any advocacy I do is completely separate of them. Sometimes they’ll see a little face flash across my computer screen and they’ll ask “Who is that? Do they need a family?” I answer honestly. Yes, they do, I’m doing my best to find their family for them, because as they wait, I know that someone else is waiting too. All I have to do is find their other half and put them together, like pieces of a puzzle. And like pieces of a puzzle, there’s no forcing it. When it’s right, it will all slide together. And when they do, there’s a little thrill that comes with it.
Yes, I get something out of this too. Not a God-like something, because this isn’t about me. It’s about that little face waiting on the other side of the world, or in the next county, or in the foster home down the street, the one that is just waiting. It’s about the family that is missing someone, when sometimes they don’t even know it. I gain something every single time a child finds their family. I get to see one less child grow up alone, in an institution, or with parents who simply can’t handle it.
Sometimes, that child ends up being my niece, or, our neighbor.
Here’s my offer to you. If you are considering adoption, and don’t know where to start, my email is in the sidebar. I don’t discriminate. You tell me what you’re comfortable with, what you think is right for YOU, and I will do my very best to connect you with someone who can really truly help you. I won’t charge you any money for this, and I won’t send you to anyone I don’t KNOW to be ethical. I’m doing this because it’s what I wish someone would have done for me in those dark months when I wondered if I would EVER get to be a mom. During that time, here’s what I wish they would have said to me…
“Someday, you will have more children than you EVER could have imagined. You’ll get there because if you REALLY want to be a mom, you will be. Anyone who REALLY wants to be a parent absolutely can be a parent. Your child may not look the way you pictured them, and they may not come to them in the way they imagined, but that child will find you, and usually, at just the right moment. Sometimes, it just takes a lot of work, and someone to guide you.”
–FullPlateMom, who is here, as your someone.