As an adoption advocate, it is my job to shine a spotlight on kids who wait in institutions around the world. It is my hope that by sharing a small part of their story, their family might see them and realize they’ve been missing someone in their life. I take this job very seriously. Over the past few weeks, I have become increasingly upset by the number of disrupted and dissolved adoptions I’ve witnessed. I’ve become so upset that I’ve begun to question my role in this world. By advocating, am I somehow complicit in this? Do I not tell people enough how truly hard adoption is? Am I not open enough? Am I unclear?
I’m keenly aware that my upset and frank outrage has, in return, caused upset and frank outrage from those parents who have disrupted or dissolved an adoption. I have received your comments, your emails, and your concerns about what I’ve written. You absolutely have a right to tell your story. It just won’t be here. I’m sorry. I hear your cries of ‘censorship.’ You aren’t being censored. Start a blog. Tell your tale. But, the mission at The Full Plate is to give a voice to the voiceless. The children who are left behind have no voice. I am attempting to change that.
I rarely come out so harshly as anti-anything. If you read my writing at all, and from some of your emails, I can tell you don’t, you would know that I usually come out on the side of just choosing love. Just choose to love the person, treat them like you would want to be treated, and then watch the difference it makes. That works in nearly all situations, except when you have a situation where one person in the equation is powerless to love. These kids, they have been through hell. I get that. I do. I’ve lived it. I live with a child who was broken, abused and beaten in ways we often can’t, and usually don’t want to, imagine. This child’s behaviors are puzzling. They are sometimes maddening. They are always heartbreaking. This child can’t choose love. They have no idea how to do that.
They are powerless. They are voiceless. They are victims.
So, when I hear that they have become victims again, it is heartbreaking for me. When one less becomes one more over and over, it’s time to take a pause and rethink our motivations for adoption. Is this about them, or has it become about us?
Today I’m sharing Hannah’s story via The Red Thread and the Adoptive Parent Toolkit. All I’m asking is that you read it. If you are considering adoption, know that Hannah’s story could be any child’s story. These kids have a past that we sometimes don’t understand. It is part of who they are, which means we, as their parents, need to try to understand it if we’re going to be any kind of successful in loving them for ALL of who they are.
–FullPlateMom, who thinks Hannah is one brave girl.