Here Goes Nothing.

In five short hours I’ll get up (3:30am) and the journey to Gigi will begin.  Tomorrow we’ll fly to Chicago and then directly into Shanghai.  We’ll tour for three days and then ride the bullet train to Gigi’s province.  We’ll meet her on December 14th and she will be adopted on December 15th.

I am scared out of my mind.

In every other adoption I have always had some way to explain to the child we were bringing home what was happening.  Not Gigi.  I have no means to communicate with her.  None.  I can’t imagine being in her situation.  How absolutely terrifying.  To be handed to some random white woman who has brought along her two African-American sons, and to be expected to rely on them for all of your basic needs.  And then, to not be able to tell them how frightened you are.  How awful this is.

I would be insane.

I’m preparing for her to act accordingly.  I prepare for that every single time.  I want to say right now, for all to hear, so that maybe some of you can remind me later…It’s okay, Gigi.  It’s okay for you to go bat poop crazy and spend your days beating me up.  It’s okay for you to scream and try to run away.  It’s okay for you to pee your pants and spit on me.  It’s okay for you to not do any of that, and for you to just stare off into space.  It’s okay for you to handle this change any way you need to.  We’ll get through it, and then we will work as hard as humanly possible to gain your trust.

I am going to hold onto faith that, eventually, this is going to something beautiful.  I’m going to picture you blending into this family in the way every one of your brothers and sisters did.  You won’t disappear into the fabric of this family though.  You’ll bring your own rich, unique characteristics.  We’ll weave you in, yes, but you’ll add a richness that makes everything even more beautiful.  We’ll adore you for it.

That’s what I’m going to envision.  That’s what I’ll picture as we navigate this together.

This is only the beginning my sweet girl.
12106701_1485973515038902_6626400591766455396_n–FullPlateMom, who knows this is the start of everything.

5 thoughts on “Here Goes Nothing.

  1. Becky, I will be praying for you every day that this process goes as easily as heavenly possible. You and your boys as well as Gigi will be in my thoughts constantly. Be safe and God bless you all.

  2. Remembering the video of your holding Tess, when you went to pick her up, and her screaming the whole time in your arms (or was that Cate?) Then fast forward to her whispering to you in the dark, thanking you for finding her and making all her wishes come true. Thank you for going to Gigi with her needs, not yours, as the focus. She couldn’t want for a better mama.

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