Chatting with a good friend today gave me a much needed reminder. After all the craziness that is involved in bringing home your newly adopted child, sometimes there is a lull that leaves you with nothing to do but worry. I’ve been in my bathrobe for many a day now, doing nothing but focusing on Gigi. I have been watching her as if she’s a ticking time bomb. ‘Wait! She just waved her hand in front of her face oddly! Is she self-stimming again? She hasn’t done that since China! Maybe she’s bored? Should I be doing something else for her? I should! OH GOD! I’m a TERRIBLE MOTHER!” Y’all, I’m high strung on a good day.
These haven’t been my best days.
It’s easy in these high stress, low activity moments to get bogged down in the minutia of all that comes with adjusting to being a new family. Gigi has never had a mom before. She’s never really been outside the walls of her orphanage. Everything looks different, feels different, smells different (maybe that’s why she was waving her hand in front of her face. She has five brothers. Things are bound to stink).
My friend reminded me that for the entire first month you’re home, it’s not a bad idea to press pause on these types of worries. Let her be just who she is. Let her start to believe that this might really be forever, that we might be permanent in a way she’s never known before. Let her gain some language and get the medical care she needs. Let there be some distance between me and the adoption process. Let us just be.
This seems like it would be something one would stumble upon naturally when one is a semi-intelligent person, but sadly, this is one of those lost forest through the trees moments. I’m so deep in the thick of it that I can barely see my hand in front of my face. I needed the reminder. No judgments. Not for her, not for me, not for anyone else. I need to just get my bearings again. After all, wasn’t this just 72 hours ago?
Was it? Gosh. It feels like forever in so many ways, and one second ago in so many others.
Which means even more, that now isn’t the time to do anything but breathe.
The kids are off of school for another week. We’re having Christmas with my parents next weekend. We’ve decided to extend the holidays for another week to make up for the family time I missed in China. There will be more Christmas carols, hot chocolate, and maybe even some sledding (if we ever get snow).
–FullPlateMom, who is planning on getting dressed tomorrow, and getting a manicure. Two solid goals for the day.