Gigi, you’ve been home, in our three ring circus, for one whole week now. During that time, we’ve celebrated Christmas, but other than that, we’ve done a fat lot of NOTHING. Some people call it cocooning.
Right now, I call it surviving.
We didn’t purposely decide to do absolutely nothing, that’s just the way it worked out. Turns out, it was the very best thing for you. You’ve had time to start to learn that we’re not moving anywhere anytime soon, so the suitcases can stay in the overhead storage in the garage. You’ve had time to become acquainted with all your siblings. You’ve come to depend less on Cam as your touchstone. Ally is a-okay too.
You’ve started to learn that I’m your mom.
I love it when you come up behind me silently and tap me. I celebrate when I turn and you smile, realizing that I’m responding to your little tap, tap, tap. You take my hand and lead me someplace, signing where we’re going, maybe the diaper changing pad, the kitchen to eat, or your absolute favorite, the washer and dryer. You love to help me load and unload it. You sometimes wait for the cycle to end, watch for the flashing lights, and then come to get me. You’re in charge of pushing the button to turn it on once it’s all set to go. Then you laugh loudly and put your hands on it, feeling for the vibrating whir of the cycle.
You’re super amazed at the little things, always. The snow. You’re totally unafraid. You sat right down in it.
Tonight, you loved the library. Loved it. You walked the rows touching all the books, checking out the computer, waving at all the other patrons.
The best is when you cheer every single time we come home again. You’re thrilled with the mere possibility of this really being forever. So much trust from a little girl who has lost so much. You’re willing to roll the dice and take a chance on loving us, even when nothing you’ve loved has ever lasted for you before.
This girl knows a little something about that. And, even though she was so little when it happened to her, she remembers it. She remembers what you’re living right now, and quietly, she’s walking right beside you. I adore her heart.
Someday, you’ll know just how brave it truly is.
–FullPlateMom, who can’t wait to see what one month, or one year brings.