I Could Have Said No.

Every day, but especially on Mother’s Day, I think about the ‘what ifs’ of my life and the long and winding road I followed to find our kids.  I think of all the change I’ve been through as a human.  I think of how many times I thought it would be one way, I demanded that it be that way, and it didn’t turn out that way at all.

It turned out so much better.

I said never EVER would we adopt an “older” child.  In my mind, that meant a child over the age of one.  I wanted babies.  I thought they never came with “issues.”

I met Juliana and all bets were off.  Then Ally and AJ shattered every preconceived notion I had about older child adoption.

I said never EVER would we adopt a child who would necessitate multiple medical procedures.  As a pediatric heme/onc nurse I saw what parents went through.  No thanks.

I saw Tess’s picture and I was absolutely done in.  Then Bowen and Cate burst their way onto the scene in larger than life fashion.

Gigi was the biggest stretch for me.  I resisted the idea of her with everything I had.  I asked everyone and their mother to adopt her.  I talked endlessly to people about the realities of her.  She may never hear, you know that, right?  You may HAVE to learn ASL for her.  You know that, right?  She may be so delayed that she requires lifelong care.

As I talked and talked, there was always one little voice that said “She’s mine.  You know that, right?”

DSC_0158I didn’t know, Tess.  I’m so sorry I made her wait for you.  I should have listened from minute one.

–FullPlateMom, who could have said no, and who will spend a lifetime celebrating the fact she didn’t.

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