This was the subtext of a lot of the messages I got after my last post. It was also an actual messages that I got via Facebook. “I admire you so much for adopting all those kids. I love hearing all the funny things your kids say! Especially that Cate, she is a hoot! I can’t say I like you very much though.”
I understand, to some extent, since I don’t share as readily as I did before. The pictures in my posts aren’t the candid snapshots that there once were. I don’t include as many personal details about my kids. They’re getting big. That’s part of it. The letter from after the election was part of it. Honestly, these messages are part of it too.
My views are all wrong. I don’t fit into the box that people want me to fit into. Not being what people expect invites judgment. There must be something about me that compels people to tell me exactly how they feel about my political views, the way I parent and how I choose to live my life.
It’s making me want to draw inward. I’m starting to hate people, and that isn’t me. The only way to fix this is to clean up my social media profile a little. I accepted many, many friend requests of people who had adopted and were struggling, from people who thought they might adopt someday, and from people who said they were just really interested in large families. I accepted those requests hoping to create understanding.
That has backfired in painful ways.
The ways we’ve connected as families have been helpful to me too. At some point though, there has to be understanding that part of the reason you love my family, that some of the reasons you might admire me, that those might involve some of the reasons you don’t like me. Sometimes, there are things about a person that makes them different from you, that makes them not fit into the box you want them to, that also makes them who they are.
My faith, my politics, my values, they shape my family too.
I keep reminding myself that in all of these rough waters, sometimes, something beautiful gets made.
–FullPlateMom, who is always looking for something beautiful in the storm.