I Admire What You’ve Done. I Love Your Kids. But, I Don’t Like You.

This was the subtext of a lot of the messages I got after my last post.  It was also an actual messages that I got via Facebook.  “I admire you so much for adopting all those kids. I love hearing all the funny things your kids say!  Especially that Cate, she is a hoot! I can’t say I like you very much though.”

I understand, to some extent, since I don’t share as readily as I did before.  The pictures in my posts aren’t the candid snapshots that there once were.  I don’t include as many personal details about my kids.  They’re getting big.  That’s part of it.  The letter from after the election was part of it.  Honestly, these messages are part of it too.

My views are all wrong.  I don’t fit into the box that people want me to fit into.  Not being what people expect invites judgment.  There must be something about me that compels people to tell me exactly how they feel about my political views, the way I parent and how I choose to live my life.

It’s making me want to draw inward.  I’m starting to hate people, and that isn’t me.  The only way to fix this  is to clean up my social media profile a little.  I accepted many, many friend requests of people who had adopted and were struggling, from people who thought they might adopt someday, and from people who said they were just really interested in large families.  I accepted those requests hoping to create understanding.

That has backfired in painful ways.

The ways we’ve connected as families have been helpful to me too.  At some point though, there has to be understanding that part of the reason you love my family, that some of the reasons you might admire me, that those might involve some of the reasons you don’t like me.  Sometimes, there are things about a person that makes them different from you, that makes them not fit into the box you want them to, that also makes them who they are.

My faith, my politics, my values, they shape my family too.

I keep reminding myself that in all of these rough waters, sometimes, something beautiful gets made.

–FullPlateMom, who is always looking for something beautiful in the storm.


5 thoughts on “I Admire What You’ve Done. I Love Your Kids. But, I Don’t Like You.

  1. Don’t you delete me! I love your posts, your feisty views, and your heart!
    People need to learn to disagree nicely. I’m sorry that person felt self righteous enough to say that!

  2. Take heart. A phycologist told me” You may not be everyone’s dream picture on Facebook but your the dream picture these children you have adopted need.”I’m the 58 year old mother of 16, 4 bio and 12 adopted . I’ve learned to live my life excepting people being uncomfortable with my choices. Hurtful at times but maybe at this age not so important anymore. I am the mother of many because that’s who I am and it’s what I love. All you people out there that choose to judge me save it for your day of reckoning or come over and help me with my laundry and we’ll discuss this in great detail??

  3. Well heck, I haven’t ever met you but yet I know that I like you. Your last line of your entries always goes right to my heart. So true. I need to say that to myself in rough times.

    It stinks sometimes to find out who your real friends are. Most of the time it involves some pain or hurt.
    I can’t believe the mean things that have been said to you. I am sorry you and your family have to go through that.
    But I say keep talking. Keep posting. Keep being you.

    I think one of the great things about getting older is that I care less and less about what other people think of me.

  4. Preach it ladies! I absolutely agree with the comments, although I understand how you feel because I react the same way when I get criticized about my life choices. I am a mom to 13, also transracial (Liberian and Chinese) so I very much appreciate your blog and the insights, views, and concerns that you share. The GOOD that you are doing will hopefully outweigh the hurt from those critics.
    As for different political or world views- as long as we all express our views respectfully, with the understanding that we don’t expect everyone to agree with us, I think it’s healthy and necessary for us to share our views. My best friend and I are absolute opposites on almost every political issue- she’s liberal and I’m conservative, but we both agree on issues like the importance of adoption, organic food , homeschooling, and other issues that affect our family. We agree to disagree, because if we present our ideas and look for solutions, we can make a difference.
    I hope you don’t get discouraged-you are inspiring so many by sharing your story.

  5. I love your blog! I don’t know how I even found it but I’ve been reading it for a couple years now. Im 23, I’m not a mom and probably won’t be any time in the near future. I just love your insights and think adoption is beautiful. I am also a black woman with a white mom. Your love for your kids shines through every post. Keep being your honest self because some of us really hear you.

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