Scenes From A Summer Without You.

We’re at that odd stage in the adoption process when we’re close enough to the end goal that we feel like we’re missing someone from our family, but we’re still far enough away that I find myself living in a constant state of frustration.  It’s an odd feeling to miss someone you’ve never actually met.  By now though, it’s a familiar feeling for me.  It happened with each one of my kids, and now that they’re here, I understand the sensation.  It is possible to miss her, because I understand the possibilities of her.

We’ll be devastated if she can’t join our family.  I tried so hard to guard our hearts, but I also know that when you get far enough down this road it becomes impossible.  It would be irresponsible not to prepare the kids already in our home about all that their sister’s arrival will mean to us as a family.  Even though we’ve done this so many times, we know that reminders need to happen.  We remind the kids constantly that  even though we know and love the idea of Isabel, she knows nothing about us.  She will likely intensely dislike us at first.

Despite all that, despite my trying to let my head override my heart, I start to imagine her in our home.  I can resist the urge to shop, decorate, and nest, but I can’t stop my imagination.  I picture her here.

It has been a rough summer.  Not only because we feel like we’re missing a piece, but because the world is missing a whole lot of pieces.  We’re grappling with a country that feels unfamiliar, and hateful, towards families that look like ours.  I worry about bringing another Black child into this home.  I worry about raising the children I have in this country as it stands right now.

Still, we find joy in the little things, because we can’t fast forward time, and I wouldn’t want to, it is already going too fast for our kids who are here with us.  I want them to enjoy their childhood, and to not let their memories be filled with these constant pauses as we waited for another child through a process we have no control over.

Tess joined the swim team.  This was something I was never sure I would see.  I had no idea if her heart and lungs would allow for this.

She is tiny, but so very mighty.

In a fierce game of Capture The Flag,  Bo snapped both the bones in his left lower leg.  This was traumatic, but my gosh, that kid is mighty too.  He lost a whole summer swim season to it.  He had worked all winter for this.  He learned an important lesson about what it means to be part of a team though when his fellow Dolphins rallied and included him in everything they did.

We marched, and marched, and marched this summer.  It was our summer of living resistance.  This march was in memory of the lives we lost in the Pulse Night Club shooting.  #LoveIsLove

We vacationed in Nashville, learning so much about the city and its roots in the Civil Rights Movement. We also toured Fisk University so that Cam could see the campus of an HBCU.

Cate ate her weight in fresh, in season, fruit.

And we visited the zoo for the Children’s Hospital Picnic, which is a summer tradition.

It’s all wrapping up with all our paperwork arriving in Colombia.  The ball moves down the court, and we wait to see if this is all meant to be.

–FullPlateMom, who will remind you all again that she is NOT a patient person.


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