Always Honest

When I started writing about this life, I promised I would always, always be honest. Honest about the joy, and about the pain. One of our kids has been dealing with some pretty significant pain. Their story is theirs, but mental illness is not for the faint of heart. Mental illness during a pandemic is a real risk for adolescents.

We are at a crossroads here. Inpatient treatment? Day treatment? What do we do to fight for this kid? What choice will they make? How much more pain will they inflict on the people around them that love them so, so much. And, how much risk will they put their sibling at when they take risks during a pandemic and then re-enter our home.

We’re back in a place where I, as a mom, am scrambling to advocate. I am finding resources, treatment options, and putting everything I have into making a plan to help save my kid. Except, I’m doing it while this kid actively fights against me. That part is heartbreaking. I don’t know how to describe just how heartbreaking.

What happened to my baby? What happened to the tiny baby that only wanted to fall asleep if we were with them, rocking them, and holding them? That baby wants nothing to do with me, or my help, now. It is so painful.

I am learning a lot about being the parent of a nearly adult child with a mental health diagnosis. I am connecting with parents in similar situations. I am trying to walk the line between protecting my other children, not enabling the child who is causing harm, and also not losing all contact with them completely.

–FullPlateMom, who isn’t giving up.

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